“This is one of the most ridiculous vehicles we’ve ever seen,” said Dr. Amira Hadid, lead archaeologist at the Jordanian Center for Ancient Excess. “It’s not just opulent—it’s absurd. At first, we assumed it was purely ceremonial. But then we found the inscriptions, and it became very clear that King Naphas-al-Roar had something to prove.”
‘The Sound of Thunder Masks All Doubts’
The chariot, dating to approximately 1100 BCE, was discovered near the ancient city of Umm al-Safafir, a once-thriving hub of the Shamsaran Kingdom. Alongside it, researchers uncovered clay tablets inscribed in the ancient Nabasu dialect, which revealed the king’s motivations for commissioning such a monstrosity.
Key passages included declarations such as:
- “THE AXLES OF GOLD PROCLAIM MY POWER!”
- “IN SPEED AND SPLENDOR, NONE MAY ECLIPSE ME!”
- And the particularly telling: “A KING’S SIZE IS MEASURED BY HIS CHARIOT, AND NOT BY THE SCALES OF MORTAL MEN.”
Experts believe the king, known for his tumultuous rule and flair for theatrics, was compensating for personal insecurities—what modern observers might call the “original midlife crisis.”
Ancient Ostentation
The chariot’s impracticality has been the subject of much amusement in academic circles. Weighing more than two tons, it required no fewer than 24 horses to pull it—and only on smooth terrain. Its wheels, adorned with jagged golden spikes, likely served no functional purpose beyond drawing attention (and complaints).
“It’s basically a giant gold-covered ego on wheels,” said historian Dr. Omar Khalidi. “It didn’t just symbolize power—it shouted it. And much like today’s sports cars, it was probably a nightmare to park.”
One tablet recounts an incident where the chariot toppled during a royal parade, an event reportedly blamed on a “jealous wind.”
Parallels with Today
The discovery has prompted widespread comparisons to modern-day Jordan’s roads, where sleek, noisy cars have become a symbol of machismo. Social media users have dubbed the chariot “the original supercar” and drawn parallels between King Naphas-al-Roar’s extravagance and today’s high-octane luxury vehicles.
“King Naphas would totally have driven a gold Lamborghini,” joked one Twitter user. Another posted: “Imagine revving your chariot at every crossroads. Some things never change.”
A Tourist Attraction in the Making
Plans are already underway to display the chariot at the Jordan Museum in Amman. The museum’s director, Tariq Abbas, announced that a full-scale replica would be constructed for visitors, complete with audio recreations of what the chariot would have sounded like as it roared across the desert.
As one archaeologist quipped during the unveiling of the discovery: “It seems the question of size has been keeping men up at night for a very, very long time.”
King Naphas-al-Roar, it seems, has finally claimed his place in history—not for his reign, but for his wheels.