In a shocking revelation uncovered by BigArcheology, new evidence suggests that the ancient pyramid builders were not only laboring under the guidance of extraterrestrial architects but also unknowingly participating in the galaxy’s first-ever pyramid scheme. Yes, that’s right—long before Amway and Herbalife, our ancestors were caught in a celestial con game, orchestrated by an interstellar species that valued royalties over morality.
The Galactic Blueprints: A Master Plan for Profit
Leaked intergalactic communiqués, decoded by self-proclaimed experts (and one guy with a suspiciously detailed knowledge of alien languages), reveal that the pyramids of Egypt were originally part of a “build-and-recruit” program. For every additional civilization that adopted the pyramid design, Earth was promised technological upgrades and “exclusive” cosmic memberships.
According to the plan, the aliens at the top of the scheme would rake in massive interplanetary royalties while the Earth’s civilizations worked tirelessly, hoping to one day ascend the hierarchy and unlock advanced knowledge, like how to build a microwave that doesn’t overcook Hot Pockets.
The Fine Print in the Stars
Unfortunately for the Earthlings, they never read the fine print—etched in hieroglyphic-style contracts that archaeologists are still trying to piece together. As it turns out, the aliens never intended to deliver on their promises. Instead, they installed a tiered structure: Mesopotamians reported directly to Egypt, while the Mayans were left trying to catch up with the Sumerians, creating a global network of pyramid-building that spanned continents but produced no tangible benefits beyond sore backs and questionable astrology.
The Multi-Level Legacy
Historians believe that the alien masterminds behind this scheme might have fled Earth after realizing they had overpromised and underdelivered. However, their con lives on in our own world. Modern pyramid schemes, or multi-level marketing companies, may owe their origins to these ancient alien practices. After all, isn’t selling overpriced essential oils to your friends and family just a small step away from promising the next civilization eternal life in exchange for a triangular tomb?
A Warning to Modern Society
As humanity prepares for the next wave of UAP encounters, experts warn that we should be wary of extraterrestrials bearing gifts—or asking us to “invest” in their cosmic ventures. If a flying saucer offers you access to hyper-advanced technology, but only if you “get three friends to join,” consider politely declining. We’ve been down this pyramid-shaped rabbit hole before.
Stay tuned as BigArcheology continues to dig into the greatest interstellar scams of all time. Next up: “Stonehenge: The World’s First Alien Pop-Up Shop?”
Disclaimer:
This article is for entertainment purposes only. BigArcheology does not actually believe that aliens invented multi-level marketing, although it would explain a lot about both pyramids and your cousin’s weird obsession with selling protein shakes on Facebook. Any resemblance to real extraterrestrial species, intergalactic business practices, or pyramid-building civilizations is purely coincidental (or maybe not—who are we to say?). Proceed with caution when dealing with suspiciously charismatic aliens offering you “ground-floor opportunities.”