In a groundbreaking archaeological discovery that has both scientists and conspiracy theorists buzzing, a set of ancient stone carvings found near the famous Nazca Lines in Peru has been deciphered—by none other than artificial intelligence. The results are… well, let’s just say the history books might need a new chapter titled “Intergalactic Happy Hour Gone Wrong.”

According to the AI’s analysis, the Nazca Lines—those enormous geoglyphs etched into the desert floor depicting animals, plants, and geometric shapes—were not celestial calendars, religious symbols, or landing strips for sophisticated alien aircraft. No, they were distress signals. Apparently, the aliens responsible for creating them were on Earth entirely by accident—because they were drunk.

“The Great Intergalactic Pub Crawl”

The carvings, when processed through AI linguistics software, revealed a chaotic tale of extraterrestrial debauchery. The alien crew, whose ship was reportedly named The Galactic Folly, were on a routine observation mission when they decided to crack open some alien liquor.

“It seems they underestimated the potency of their own space booze,” said Dr. Elisa Cortez, head of the Nazca Research Initiative. “The AI translation describes phrases like, ‘Bro, I can totally land this thing,’ and, ‘No, YOU’RE spiraling out of control.’”

The Lines Were a Distress Call, Not Art

The AI’s most astonishing revelation was that the massive Nazca Line drawings of hummingbirds, monkeys, and spiders were actually meant as intergalactic SOS signals.

Dr. Cortez elaborated: “The hummingbird wasn’t a sacred animal symbol—it was supposed to mean, ‘Send help, we’re stranded!’ The giant monkey? Apparently, it’s alien slang for ‘We messed up, big time.’”

Further analysis suggests that the aliens thought these massive geoglyphs would be instantly recognizable to their fellow travelers. Unfortunately, it seems alien rescue teams misinterpreted the images as quaint doodles rather than panicked distress calls.

What Happened to the Survivors?

The biggest mystery remains: what happened to the aliens who survived the crash?

The carvings suggest two theories. The first is that they attempted to integrate into early human society. Some researchers have even speculated that the sudden advancement of certain ancient civilizations might be attributed to these highly hungover, highly advanced visitors.

The second theory is darker: they simply gave up, started a colony in the desert, and slowly faded into obscurity, possibly after realizing no one was coming for them.

Alien Booze: A Cautionary Tale

As news of the AI’s findings spreads, humanity has been left with an important lesson: even aliens, with their advanced technology and interstellar travel, are not immune to questionable decisions made under the influence.

“It’s oddly reassuring, isn’t it?” said Dr. Cortez. “Somehow, knowing that beings capable of intergalactic travel can still mess up this spectacularly makes me feel… human.”

The Final Word: Still No Answers, Just Better Stories

While the true fate of these boozy extraterrestrial explorers may never be known, one thing is clear: the Nazca Lines aren’t just ancient art—they’re the universe’s most elaborate ‘HELP US’ sign.

And somewhere out there, among the stars, perhaps there’s an alien bureaucrat still processing the long-overdue rescue ticket filed under: “Stranded. Drunk. Earth.”